Jiah Khan, was an American born British Indian actress who appeared in Bollywood films. She made her film debut in the 2007 film Ram Gopal Verma’s Nishabd for which she was nominated for Filmfare Best Female Debut Award.
Recently Bollywood actress Jiah Khan committed suicide and I have seen the message flashing on my Facebook notifications some days back. I felt sorry for a woman who took that decision and nothing more it had done to me to sadden deeply. I have commented on the post too, “We have so many things to cry for, better let her soul rest in peace. Stop hyping over this”.
Because I am person who thinks more of societal problems on whole and get less interested when media goes on hyping such deaths/affairs of celebrities in the midst of thousands suffer from riots, flood, starvation, etc. I usually feel less importance is given on the media to the social issues and their prime focus is on their TRP ratings.
Today I have read her suicide letter. I realized that I missed a perspective before commenting few days back. I feel sorry for it. Her letter carried intensive emotions. I never seen whether it was a written by an actress, a model, a celebrity, a commoner, whoever. Just I could feel the pain of a soul. Lose of hope, love and dejection in life. Really felt what it is all matter to a soul irrespective of whether being male or female, the expectations stood the same.
I never read a suicide letter before than my own, once I attempted when my life cornered me from all ends. But my intention was not to die, but to get the attention of those who had forgot and were reluctant to even listen to my soul and its rightful demands once. All I needed was to solve my problems by bringing them accessible to me. My letter was to bring back everyone in family and my beloved soul mate together. I was successful that time, the attempt was a failure as I had intended.
I feel nothing wrong in confessing that here because that moment of decision where I had ensured myself to hold on and not to die, is the reason why I can press the keys faster to type and bring this to you all. I am glad to be the same person of what I am inside as I am outside now. That gives great confidence and daring attitude for me. But now I have even lost her from whom I attempted to risk my life, but life moves on with the strengths I gathered when I pushed myself with a HOLD ON during stressful moments.
I get back to Jiah’s letter. The essence of pain, longing for love, cheated, hurt, despair, loss of trust, helplessness, and the deadlock situation remains common in my letter and her’s. In deed I searched few other suicide letters and read that too. Everything looks same to me.
But once the soul is lost. It’s over. We can’t correct our mistakes, regrets and put it back into our body. We can’t ask a return ticket from heaven or earth. Its like a train station in Matrix. No way out end.
Miracles can happen if you believe. There is life always after every failure. All we need to do is just hold on. Jiah could have just pressed a single tweet “I am depressed, save me!” She might have got 1000s’ of souls to redeem her from those stress. Easily said but its tough for the one who faces pain. I know.
But no other good choice. Be what you are inside and out. There are people to care for you. Ensure reach the one. Feeling shy for the society is insane. My friends teased me, teases me after reading that letter of mine. I offer a smile. But I recollect the pains I gone through that time and know what it took to over come it and being so stronger in mind today. I endured the pains to become stronger. I am telling this not to boast myself, but to plant a belief that Life can rejuvenate when you endure pain.
I am sharing her letter below. When you read it you can be an observer or a guilt or a victim. Whatever, all you can do is, you can make the difference with just giving a final HOLD ON to life. It has to move on. Death is God’s decision. PLEASE SAY NO TO SUICIDE
May Jiah’s Soul rest in peace and love.
-Words by Din
–Here is the text from actress Jiah Khan’s suicide letter allegedly addressed to Suraj Pancholi. This letter was shared to the media by Jiah’s mother through their publicists. Says Times of India.
“I don’t know how to say this to you but I might as well now as I have nothing to lose. I’ve already lost everything. If you’re reading this I might have already left or about to leave. I am broken inside. You may not have known this but you affected me deeply to a point where I lost myself in loving you. Yet you tortured me everyday. These days I see no light I wake up not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a future with you. But you shattered my dreams. I feel dead inside. I’ve never given so much of myself to someone or cared so much. You returned my love with cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you. I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave myself completely the pain you have caused me everyday has destroyed every bit of me, destroyed my soul. I can’t eat or sleep or think or function. I am running away from everything. The career is not even worth it anymore.
When I first met you I was driven, ambitious and disciplined. Then I fell for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me. I don’t know why destiny brought us together. After all the pain, the rape, the abuse, the torture I have seen previously I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t see any love or commitment from you. I just became increasingly scared that you would hurt me mentally or physically. Your life was about partying and women. Mine was you and my work. If I stay here I will crave you and miss you. So I am kissing my 10-year career and dreams goodbye. I never told you but I received a message about you. About you cheating on me. I chose to ignore it, decided to trust you. You embarrassed me. I never went out, I never went with anyone else. I am a loyal person. I never met anyone with Karthik I just wanted you to feel how you make me feel constantly. No other woman will give you as much as I did or love you as much as I did. I can write that in my blood. Things were looking up for me here, but is it worth it when you constantly feel the pain of heartbreak when the person you love wants to abuse you or threatens to hit you or cheats on you telling other girls they are beautiful or throws you out of their house when you have no where to go and you’ve come to them out of love or when they lie to your face or they make you chase after them in their car. Or disrespects their family. You never even met my sister. I bought your sister presents. You tore my soul. I have no reason to breathe anymore. All I wanted was love. I did everything for you. I was working for us. But you were never my partner. My future is destroyed my happiness snatched away from me. I always wished the best for you, was ready to invest what little money I had in your betterment. You never appreciated my love, Kicked me in the face. I have no confidence or self esteem left, whatever talent whatever ambition you took it all away. You destroyed my life. It hurt me so much that I waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother buying me something.
The Goa trip was my birthday present but even after you cheated I still spent on you. I aborted our baby when it hurt me deeply. You destroyed my Christmas and my birthday dinner when I came back. When I tried my hardest to make your birthday special. You chose to be away from me on Valentines Day. You promised me once we made it to one year we would get engaged. All you want in life is partying, your women and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and my happiness you took both away from me. I spent money on you selflessly you would throw in my face. When I would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt of our success. I leave this place with nothing but broken dreams and empty promises. All I want now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this.”
Courtesy : TOI
I request you to share this with all so that they may get some values, hope for life and may save a soul.
Note: I have not reviewed or commented anything on her letter respecting her feelings. So i want readers to not to consider this as any analyzing of her letter and request you not to do the same.