Life demands so much from us and would like to walk back to those days where I erred and compromised my career for holding on to my love. Switching jobs as she wanted me to do so was not a big deal in front of her love. When it becomes a demand from her parents to change the job location what else I can do as I was expecting a green flag for our proposed marriage. Those moments I felt only retaining her was so important than anything else in life. Also my guts to face my professional life was more, thanks to almost nil failures at my job interview appearances.
She in fact was the gift I believed I should never lose. Holding on to her was something I believed as a true form of love. We argued over things and I was in no position to compromise losing her. There are days I felt what it means to left heart broken and everything turns against me so dark. The real mistake happened when I failed to understand she lost the love in me, which existed so true before.
I was living in the past, still holding on to her beautiful words of love and all the commitments she expressed. Sadly those things died long back and I battled my way to realize it. Everything came to an end when I took a stand to give up my last job as an employee and started my own pursuit. She called it off. At last brought an end to the six year long first love.
I still feel the pain and the tears I shed those moments hiding from people around. I ran somewhere alone to cry aloud calling her name and ask her the reason “Why Lies?”. My ambitions are always big and I doubted my future how I gonna get there without her being my side. I had built those dreams with her, suddenly she vanished. Not even finding breathing space, and heart was filled with painful burden. Words cannot express why I have taken random pills at random numbers, sure I did not have any intention to die. But I wanted to escape a world which does not have her anymore. To my luck I got a good friend to save me from those pills.
I took days one after another and another. Thinking the past, present, future, where I missed to note, where I lost. I decided to go through those days of solitude. One who values something will be attached to that thing more. For me a married life with her was such a thing. Nothing wrong in my commitment, I did justice to my love. My efforts were true, the journey was faithful and only the destiny failed me. Why should I quit? There came the Inside-Out theory of life, everything starts within us, I realized it is always one individual who lives in his own world perceiving rest of the world. Gradually I developed the strength to forgive myself, forgive her and forget the past. Realization of life happens when we rise from the depth of sorrows to smile back at life once again.
My pursuit of ambitions has begun again. I realized it is all about me and what I want to do is my life. People have to choose to be with me, in my journey. I have actually broken the expectation ring around me. I expect nothing from anyone, than myself. My beliefs have shown the clear picture to me. And I am travelling towards it. People may stab me behind, but I will never get affected anymore. I was a fallen! But Not Dead! There is nothing to worry about. My journey continues with smiles…