Moments of Redemption

Life demands so much from us and would like to walk back to those days where I erred and compromised my career for holding on to my love. Switching jobs as she wanted me to do so was not a big deal in front of her love. When it becomes a demand from her parents to change the job location what else I can do as I was expecting a green flag for our proposed marriage. Those moments I felt only retaining her was so important than anything else in life. Also my guts to face my professional life was more, thanks to almost nil failures at my job interview appearances.

She in fact was the gift I believed I should never lose. Holding on to her was something I believed as a true form of love. We argued over things and I was in no position to compromise losing her. There are days I felt what it means to left heart broken and everything turns against me so dark. The real mistake happened when I failed to understand she lost the love in me, which existed so true before.

I was living in the past, still holding on to her beautiful words of love and all the commitments she expressed. Sadly those things died long back and I battled my way to realize it. Everything came to an end when I took a stand to give up my last job as an employee and started my own pursuit. She called it off. At last brought an end to the six year long first love.

I still feel the pain and the tears I shed those moments hiding from people around. I ran somewhere alone to cry aloud calling her name and ask her the reason “Why Lies?”. My ambitions are always big and I doubted my future how I gonna get there without her being my side. I had built those dreams with her, suddenly she vanished. Not even finding breathing space, and heart was filled with painful burden. Words cannot express why I have taken random pills at random numbers, sure I did not have any intention to die. But I wanted to escape a world which does not have her anymore. To my luck I got a good friend to save me from those pills.

I took days one after another and another. Thinking the past, present, future, where I missed to note, where I lost. I decided to go through those days of solitude. One who values something will be attached to that thing more. For me a married life with her was such a thing. Nothing wrong in my commitment, I did justice to my love. My efforts were true, the journey was faithful and only the destiny failed me. Why should I quit? There came the Inside-Out theory of life, everything starts within us, I realized it is always one individual who lives in his own world perceiving rest of the world. Gradually I developed the strength to forgive myself, forgive her and forget the past. Realization of life happens when we rise from the depth of sorrows to smile back at life once again.

My pursuit of ambitions has begun again. I realized it is all about me and what I want to do is my life. People have to choose to be with me, in my journey. I have actually broken the expectation ring around me. I expect nothing from anyone, than myself. My beliefs have shown the clear picture to me. And I am travelling towards it. People may stab me behind, but I will never get affected anymore. I was a fallen! But Not Dead! There is nothing to worry about. My journey continues with smiles…

Moments of redemption

2 thoughts on “Moments of Redemption

  1. All I could feel was absolute pain when I read this post. Ending of any relationship can be painful and these first love cases are even harder. I loved the fact that you forgave and are ready to forget. Not many people can do either, its a mark of a true Gentleman. Really happy that your journey continues with smiles. Loved the fact that you don’t have any expectations anymore, my hubby has never given me any gift on our wedding anniversary for the last ten years but still I don’t know why I still expect and then feel a little let down( plus I think its immaturity on my side because all other gifts given on other days are not so important to me), there is a lot to read and learn from your post.

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    • Pain part actually made me stronger than ever before, I can face anything as i faced the biggest one and recovered! I am thankful to her in that sense. What I gonna gain by building hatred towards her? I value not to build hatred even to the enemy, she was the one whom I loved her more than myself and everything. So it’s natural for true love, that there exists nothing to forgive.🙂 She chose what she wanted, but I am not there in her wish list. I am happy at last as she is happy. Glad that there is something insightful in my words. There are plenty to write, will share gradually…

      You said your hubby has not given any gift, may be he may not be expressive kind in that part. But true gift can be given by a soul mate is “I am there for you all time, whatever the situation life brings in” This trust is the Gift. So when this is given, why all other gifts than his soul belongs to you!🙂

      Nothing wrong you ask him for something you want as gift. He too will be happy that you finally asked. He too might be waiting right? Ten years-my wife has not asked any gift for herself?🙂

      Ask him!🙂 have lovely moments always… Best Wishes🙂 Thanks for your true words with empathy! I value your words.

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