Story: Breasts – An episode from a 10 yr old girl’s life!,

“There are good people as well as bad people only a few are lucky enough to find good souls, sometimes a few are destined to.. This is a story of a 10 yr old girl who ran away from home after child abuse, the people she seen in the next two days. Whether her life ended up good or bad..”

Note: I wrote this as a narration of a little girl and her expressions, so grammar may resemble to how they speak.. I tried my best to emulate a 10 yr old. Please forgive if I am not up to the mark. I am no expert writer. 🙂

It has been 2 days since I had ran away from my home. I have no money left, also no intention to return to that bad home. But I wanted to go to my mother who had fallen asleep last year and I never seen her thereafter. I was 9 that time, now I am 10 so its one year I guess, missing my mother. I must find a place to sleep and die. So I can reach the God where my mother lives. I am searching for a bench to sleep in this park…

Since my mother had gone to God, I found it so difficult to take a bath by myself.  Then it was all my father who looked after me. Do not think him a great man, I understood the intentions of that drunkard only that day when I ran away,

I felt his behaviour changing since the day my body started to show some changes. I cursed myself for being a girl and why some fat has began to grow in my chest. I could have asked my mother if she was there “what this all about”. I would have complained to her about his friends who visited our home and stared at me always. Even she had fought with my father many times for going out with them and bringing them home. My mother had worked in a Tailor shop and gave money to my dad also, so he listened to whatever she said. But used beat her badly whenever he was drunk.

That day thing gone worse and I found a car, at our home for the first time. I hardly had seen any cars in our slum. My father asked me to pack my clothes and get ready. He gave no answers to my questions on where we were about to leave. There were two other men came along with my father, looked so ferocious and they were asking him questions about my age and would I cry without my father or not. He replied something, after asking them to talk silently. I was behind the back door listening to all this. They discussed some money things. “Are you ready?” my father asked loudly. “Just a minute I am packing my clothes”, I ran backside with a big polythene bag.

I sensed it and understood; he planned to give me away to those guys. I went to the backyard in the pretext of taking the dresses, then in no time I jumped over the compound wall.  I grabbed a half-pants and shirt from my neighbour’s home, which were kept for drying- my classmate’s dress. I thought of knocking their door and tell everything. But they all were scared of my father and never came to our home because of his rude behaviour. I thought, If they send me back to my home again, he would beat me for trying to run away.

So I ran from that place with little money, that I kept in the secret box given by mother. I never knew what happened behind and not even turned my eyes back once, after I started running. They should have chased me or searched for me. I did not know what happened. I just ran, ran and ran to the railway station and got into a train; which I had no idea where it was heading. I was walking through the compartment to find a seat to sit, but again, those faces reminded me the faces of those dad’s men. I was feeling like everyone staring at me like they did. I am unable to find any people to see me like how my mother did.

I found one seat and given some rest to my legs then. I was so tired. Again, my thoughts went on to “why all this happens to me?”. I have no idea, but my anger straight away, turned towards those fat things on my chest. My mother had them too, much more than what I have, even some big girls in schools have them. They never seemed to face any problem because of it. But why I am getting troubles. Why my father brought people home and they touched me there. My mother always made me wear a dress immediately after she gave bath to me. She always told not to go out of home without wearing a dress on top like boys. But earlier, when I was little she had never bothered about it.

All I understood was if my mother was there she would have stopped those men from entering our home and all these men were coming home only because of that fat thing growing in me.

I started talking with myself “I do not want them at all and I want to be like the same when I was a little girl. My father told me my mother went to god after death. I was wondering “If I die, will I go to God and see my mother there?” I hope that would be so nice again to be with my mother. But I do not know how she died and how should I die?”

She was sleeping that day when I called her again and again, but she never got up. I think while sleeping people die and they remain sleeping forever. That day many people cried in front of her and even my father cried. I had never seen him crying, except that day. He always makes my mother cry. I did not like him much for that reason. I even tried to wake my mother by sprinkling some water on her face, when they tried to take her away from the home while she was sleeping. But she did not get up. Her death was always a doubt for me, sometimes I used to sleep in the morning, the she poured water on my face and make me go to school. I did not like her pouring water on me, so whenever she gave me a bath, I used to pour water back on her. She never not get angry like me, instead she always made soap bubbles and give them on my hands. It was fun to apply the soap foam on her nose, for that she smiles “you naughty”.

I was crying to go to my mother thinking all this and wanted to die to go to her. But for that I need to sleep right? I need to go to a home to sleep, right? But also because of this growing things I got all troubles. The neighbour boy is about my same age and he did not get any problem, I guessed because, he wore half-pants and shirts; not skirts or frocks like me. So I found a great thing that if I get changed to his dress like a boy nobody will trouble me. I could sleep and die, then can go to my mother.

I got into a toilet in the train and changed my dress to his half-pants and shirt. I threw my frock out through the windows. I moved to the other compartment.The train stopped.

I got down from the train in a place where I could not read the language. I went out of the railway station and saw an old barber on a roadside, went to him and asked to cut my hair short. I wanted my hair also to be like my school friend.  The old man looked at me strangely and said something in his language and waved his hand to go away. I thought he was thinking that I did not have any money. So, I paid him a 20 Rupee note. I guessed he was in shock, why a girl wants a haircut like a man and he would have never imagined I can pay him that much money! Saying “cut” sat in front of him and he completed. After all, he was a poor barber who must have his own problems than asking about mine in detail. Because he looked so sad. The small mirror, he had shown a boy when I looked at it. I returned back to train station to catch another train. I got into the one that stopped there.

My mother used to tell me that we need to buy tickets in bus and train. We never went on trains but in buses. I waited, but no conductor asked me to buy tickets in this train even in that train also, so I have not bought tickets. “I think it’s free for kids” I smiled inside.

The train never stopped during the whole night, even I slept I guess. When I woke up I saw the train stopped, I got down from the train. A few people called me like they call a boy. I believed that would be safe for me from those men who stare at me. My last hope of trusting men ended when my father shown his villain character.

I have no home now in this place. So I need to find a place to sleep. I found this park.2 days gone now in train, the money left was 2 hundred rupee notes, one old 5 rupee note and 7 coins of 1 rupee and 6 coins of 50 paisas, which I have not counted how much. Because I don’t know to add and multiply. I thought about my maths miss once. 🙂 My mother always advised keeping money safe, so I kept it safe in the pocket inside a paper. I spent some money for buying food from the train-hotel. I liked that food.

One old lady was begging there in front of the park and she was begging that she had not taken food for two days to the people who passed by her. I thought I could help her because I was not hungry as I had food in the train-hotel. I went to her and asked “why you did not take food?”, She said that she has no money to buy food. I thought for a while and took that money from my pocket and gave to her. She opened it and saw all the money. “Why are you giving all the money to me, boy?, I do not need this much money!” She returned that 2 hundred rupee notes to me. I said “Its ok, today night I will go to my mother and she will give me food, I do not need to pay money to her to get food. Only you need to pay money to get your food. So you keep it with you.” I put it back in the basket she had and ran into the park…

Now. It’s been 2 days since I ran away from my home. I have no money left, but I have no intention to return back to that bad home. But I wanted to go to my mother who slept last year and I have never seen her thereafter. I was 9 that time, now I am 10 so its one year I guess, missing my mother. I must find a place to sleep and die. So I can reach the God where my mother lives. I am searching for a bench to sleep in this park

There are few other homeless people who sleep here and there on whichever benches they could occupy. Since I am in a boy makeup, hardly people tried to turn their attention to me, even men are not staring at me now.

The night is horribly cold, but I found an empty bench to sleep. But I do not have any blankets or sweaters to cover myself. I managed to find some newspapers around to cover myself, for me, those are my blankets now. I think tonight I will sleep thinking my mother. I will not wake up and I can die and go to the God to see my mother. With that hope, I am closing my eyes.

Morning I hear some voice near me, I thought it should be the God or my mother. “I think this boy is not well, his body is shivering badly, dear, we should wake him up and ask”, a lady’s voice said. That man kept his hand on my forehead and called me to wake up “Hey, you ok?”.

I opened my eyes and seen two young couple looking at me. “Why are you sleeping here in this cold? Don’t you have home kid?” asked that man. I said,”No, I do not have”, in a shivering voice. He said something, to that lady, then she walked towards a car. He then removed his sweater and gave it to me. “Is he the God and she the Goddess?” my mind asked me. I replied to that man “Its ok sir, I am fine, where is my mother?”. He knew that I feel cold and he made me wear that sweater. She returned with a flask and offered me a cup of tea. I thanked her and started drinking the tea. They sat next to me and started asking details about me.

I paused for a moment… and then I realized I am still in that park and not dead yet. I answered them, “I do not know anyone here. I ran away from my home”. “What about your parents?” she asked. “My mother went to god last year when she fallen asleep, never got up again and they said she died and my dad is a bad man” I replied. “So you ran away from your home?” he asked. I replied, “Yes, I do not like it there and I came here to sleep and die like my mother so that I can go to God to see her”. They are shocked to hear this from me and looked at each other. “Boy, you do not need to die to reach God, dear, somebody told you wrong about that”, said that man.

I am still not sure of telling them the complete truth that I am a girl. That lady is in tears and I do not know the reason, but that man held her hands comforting her. “You see, I do not know how you take it. Will you come with us to our home? We do not want to leave you out here like this.”

Silence is the only answer I can give them and I am searching for words. “You need to know something, why my wife is crying. You know where I met her first? In an Orphanage”, he continued as I listened silently. “I was not a rich man by that time, just went there for an event. She impressed me as a character and a bold woman I have ever seen in my life. She understood my true affection in her, most people in orphanages today see it as someone feeling sad or pity for them. We got married then. We worked together and now we are living a good life.”

I still remained silent and as if I want to hear more from them. She wiped a little drop of tear which is finding its way out of her eyes, “I know what you feel now, and going through. I have never seen my parents or any person to take care of me as a relation till he walked into my life. Orphanage life provided me an accommodation to live in, but I never felt home there and always looked out the windows longing for a family life. You had your parents at least. Sorry for your mother and feel angry about your father. People outside orphanages never knew the values of being a family and cherish that life. We orphans knew what kind of boon it is to have a family.” she paused.

“Being orphan right after birth, you can get used to it. But having a family and losing them is very difficult. At your little age, you need not face such life. We have a girl kid right there in our home sleeping now, you can come with us and be a brother to her. She too will love you and like to play with you a lot, what you say?”

I do not know what to say, my search for words till continued, but I nodded my head. I have seen the smile in their eyes. We got into the car and it started moving. We have arrived at their home and they asked me to come in. First time in my life I am getting into a concrete roofed house. I walked slowly.

Something has stopped me and I am sure it is my lie that they are thinking me a boy till now. She has held my hands and took me inside the house. I just gripped it a bit and she turned back. “Sorry, I need to tell you something,” she asked me “Please tell”. I held down my heads in shame that I have lied to them. She lifted my head up “No problem, dear, you can tell anything”. He pulled a chair for us.

I resumed “After my mother died, soon I started seeing changes in my body and my problems have begun only after that”, there was confusion in their face. “My father started bringing new people frequently to our home and I do not why they came. They just touched me here and there. I did not like it. The day I ran away, he tried to take me to some place in a car with two bad looking fellows. So I ran away.”, I have given a gap to my words and looking down as I still have not guts to admit them that I am not a boy.

“Daddy… ” I heard a sweet voice nearing us slowly. It was their little daughter woke up and walked towards her father and kissed him on his cheeks. He just lifted her in his hands and kissed back on her cheeks, “Dear you continue talking to him, I will get her ready for school”, said to his wife. He walked to a room upstairs, answering her question “Who is that boy, daddy?…” I could not hear what he answered her. But the affection of a father to her daughter just filled my heart. I have never seen a father taking his child in his hands, neither my dad done that to me. I longed for such a dad. I turned back to her after they are gone out of my sight.

She has put hands on my cheeks,”See dear, everything will be fine from now onwards. You can call me ‘Maa’, and treat us as your parent. Okay?” she tapped on my shoulder. I felt so good which I never felt before in my life, hearing those caring words after my mother’s death. “I want you to see something, because of this everything changed around me”, I started removing my shirt. She was looking so confused on what I am doing, but she is concerned about me a lot.

I removed all my buttons but held the shirt so tightly wrapped around. She came forward “No problem, dear, you can show your problem to me, ” she just moved my hands holding my shirt. Her hands split my shirt… I closed my eyes. She has seen my growing things now. There is silence around. “Dear…” she shook me up and asked me to open my eyes. In no time,  she wrapped my shirt again and lifted me in her hands in the bathroom.

My eyes were filling with tears, so as her eyes. She closed the door of the bathroom and removed the shirt and half-pants. Now she knows that I am a girl. There is nothing but silence in her. “I am sorry… Because of this thing grows up in my body I got troubles, so I have hidden it. Boys do not have it, so they do not get any troubles, it seems… My dad was not good…” While I am adding up words to justify my lie, she just hugged me in tears and said the words I never forget “Dear child, I am there for you always”, I cried and unknown tears filled my eyes, my heart is full of with something I do not know how to mention. “You do not need to remember the past and tell us anything, I can understand everything what you have done, and why you lied so” she said and kissed me on my forehead “Call me ‘Amma’, hereafter”, she smiled.

I was looking her as an angel from the sky to take away all my worries. She has given bath to me and wrapped a towel around me. After long years, she reminded me how my mother used to give bath to me.

She took a white gown and make me wear it. We came out, “Daddy, why this boy is wearing a girl’s dress:)” she laughed at me. “He is your brother, sweetheart” he answered her, “Dear why do not you make him wear some half-trousers? Evening I can buy some new clothes for him” now he questioned my new mother.

“It’s better you could say she is her sister, ” she smiled and said something secretly on his ear. He put his hands on my head and pampered my hairs “We are there for you sweety, do not worry”.

My sister waved her hands “Ta ta” as she left for school. “Tomorrow you also can go school with her, ” said my Dad as he drove the car… I and new mother waved “Ta ta“.

Now I am beginning a new life, I fear no more about the things that grow in my chest. Because my new mother said “One day you will be a good woman like me and you need not be scared about those things that grow. It is not a problem, It is your nature, It is your identity. Only few people are bad and they always think bad about it. You need not worry about those people” and also, she named it “Breasts” Yes! That’s how she asked me to call it.

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– Words by Din

© Propel Steps 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Propel Steps and Dinesh Kumar Radhakrishnan with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

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